Life Update : May 2017

Today’s my last day of internship. Since my last update, evidently, a lot of things has happened. Put in a large dose of self-doubt, too. There were better days, though. How do I get all these feelings and emotions I’ve got all over the place in one writing? I guess I can’t. Here’s a ridiculous attempt.

While the world battles bigger problems every day: terrorism, hunger, poverty… I seem to live in my small bubble that is my thesis. Every day for four months, my life revolves around thesis. I often take a step back and think why do I spend so much time thinking about this when there are far bigger issues to attend to, to solve? Why do I, as we say in French, “prendre la tête”, for something as simple as what I’m doing? What contribution to the world would I be making once I get this done? I guess none. And the motive is very selfish, too: to get a degree.

At first, I wanted to work on something that would contribute largely to my reflections as a French teacher back home. Eventually, I realized that was too ideal. I had to get my feet back on the ground and say to myself, who am I kidding? Who’s even going to listen to me?

So, I settled for something smaller, something simpler. Maybe even a rehash of something that has already been worked on, by many authors more credible than I am, for decades.

If that’s the case, why the delay? Why take so much time worrying about something that has no one answer to?

A good friend of mine had her thesis defense yesterday. Her topic is almost as similar as mine : culture. I have mixed emotions – I don’t know whether to feel relieved but I also somehow felt even more worried, intimidated and insecure yet also extremely happy and proud of this friend. So instead of sulking in one corner thinking why I only have 10 pages written over time, I celebrated with her. I can’t wait to get over with mine. Seeing her relief after an hour of discussion made me realize I want that, too and soon.

Chi va piano, va sano e va lontano.