How to let go

How do you know when you should stop hoping? How do you know when to let go? Do you even let go of something already on your fingertips or at the palm of your hand?

There are so many great opportunities that I’ve passed up in favor of other equally excellent opportunities. I had no regrets. Sometimes, I do look back and ask myself: what if? But the what is is my reality and my now so I focus on that. In this case, it’s easy to let go.

But then, how do I let go of a what could, should and would be?

I think I’ve done all I could at the best of my efforts to pursue this endeavor. I have no one else to blame but time. My timing couldn’t be more off.

So now, I feel like I have to pass this one opportunity up and to do it voluntarily against my will just because I seem to have been left with no other options. How ironic is that, defer from this opportunity voluntarily against my will.

I don’t regret the effort and time I spent trying to make it work. I would have regretted if I didn’t at least try to make it work. I am, however, regretting something that is yet to happen, or rather, something that is not going to happen.

I’m supposed to be leaving next week to make the most out of that opportunity. Now, I picture myself being left with what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s not a dead end, but I feel sorry for myself having to be left to do that over something else, something better.

I try telling myself: there’s still another opportunity. There’s still a next time. It’s not like it’s never going to happen. This was supposed to make me feel better and make it easier for me to let go and move on.

It doesn’t. And I don’t know what will.

I don’t want to have to face the new year with this feeling. But I can’t help myself.