First timer in the Philippines

My (French) boyfriend decided to come over to the Philippines four months after I left France for good. It was his first time in Asia, let alone in the Philippines. As he has never been to a country with the same condition as of that of the Pearl of the Orient, I knew I had to plan this and think this one out really well.

It was not, however, my first time welcoming foreign guests in my country. But it is my first time having to really consider someone's comfort. Of course, I know my boyfriend well enough - what he likes and doesn't like, what makes him comfortable and uncomfortable, what he finds disgusting and what he finds amusing. All these, I had to consider aside from the time constraints, budget and the reality of the environment.

How is it welcoming and showing a first-timer-foreign-non-English/Filipino-speaker partner in the Philippines? Let's just say that it wasn't a stroll in the park.

I've went through how our trips to Bangkok and Clark (soon: El Nido and Manila) transpired, albeit the narration and description being brief and generally pleasant. I'm not going through the gruesome details here either because I believe it was only partly my interpretation of the turn of events and it is necessarily part of it, it being both our first time.

The stress of me wanting to please him was there, I have to admit. After all, I'm Filipino (and we like to take a step further to make our guests feel welcome, sometimes a bit too much). Also, I would like to believe that him liking my country and my culture - basically my reality - would either make or break the relationship. So, me going the extra mile was the effort I was putting into staying in this relationship. His reaction to it all is out of my hands. Long story short, we're still together after that short two-week visit, stronger than ever, and he's coming back with his parents (more on that later) so I guess it all worked out for the best. Dare I say that stressing over it was worth it!

This, of course, is unique to our experience and to the type of personality we both have as individuals and our dynamics as a couple.

Getting organized and communicating

Contrary to how I planned things out while I was traveling and touring Europe, this one had to be laid out in detail and months ahead of time. Being the OC (obsessive-compulsive) person that I am, I laid out a neat Google Sheet (Excel) file, detailing the day, type of expense, how much it would cost in both Euros and Philippine Peso, and my personal comments. We had to do series of Skype calls, screen-sharing and arguments just to get tasks done. Each day we talked, one task should be checked-off the list: from booking flights, to choosing accommodation and to planning out attractions to see and things to do.

Filtering options

Believe it or not, the first task - which was choosing and buying a ticket from Paris - was daunting. It took us one hour. Normally I wouldn't mind hours of conversation between the two of us. I like his company and his ideas, which is precisely why I am with him. But spending one hour just to choose a flight? I was not up for that.

Prior to our scheduled Skype call to book him his ticket, I already scouted tickets that I thought would be convenient for him and laid out all the details: time of departure and arrival, number of connecting flights and how long he would need to wait, to where these connecting flights would be and of course, the cost. After much argument, he finally gave in to my very first suggestion which was to get a direct flight from Paris to Bangkok (where I would be meeting him, first on our itinerary) via Thai Airways.

The next tasks came easier and faster - choosing the accommodation - since he pretty much trusted my choices. I booked the cheapest accommodation with the most comfort possible via Booking.com, Agoda.com and AirBnB.

When it came to choosing what to do, he left me to decide our activities since our goal was simply to get together regardless of what we would do. I was the one stressing over what to show and make him experience since I really want his first visit to create much impact but also to show him how my everyday life was in this part of the world - a far cry from how I and it was in France.

Later I realized that a trip to the beach was more than enough and the rest was just blah. Now I know better - which is why, for the second time around, we're going to spend 50% of our time in the beach. Apparently, it doesn't take him much to be happy. He's pretty much content with the beach, the sun, the sand, (even the heat!) and a clean room.

Side note: I had to put off him meeting some of my friends and family, except of course for my father, sister and a few friends and colleagues, because it was already too stressful for him (and for me). Not surprisingly, I've heard some people reacting as to why I didn't make time for them to meet him. I can just hope they understand.

Making sure he's secured and protected

Part of organizing this trip is also keeping him safe and protected from all sorts of danger - including mosquitos. I'd always keep these things handy when we're out and about: mosquito repellent, alcohol/alcogel, aloe vera, water and fan. Since his body and immune system are not used to the humid and warm climate of the tropics, I had to make sure we're covered.

Being like a local

I had him try out some unique and local Pinoy experiences such as riding a jeepney (I have yet to make him try the patok, public transport with loud music, usually trips to Antipolo, jeepneys, though), trying out the subway (LRT1 and LRT2), the tricycle; or having him taste Halo-Halo (Filipino cold sweet dessert) and all sorts of Filipino food. It wasn't easy, I tell you! I had to do a lot of convincing, but he eventually gave in.

Researching and informing ourselves ahead of time

I'm not proud to say this but whenever I'd tour people around the Philippines, I've never felt more alienated from my reality. I thought I knew everything there is to know about… well… everything but it turns out, I've left out some crucial or practical information because to me, as I am living it, they are too evident.

Though I'm comfortable with the idea of leaving some mystery and spontaneity from my end as well, I try my best to stay informed about things or places we're about to venture in/to since I'd have to do most of the transactions, negotiating and explaining. Mind you, not in one language, no, not even two, but three. To be honest, even if we did not do much in a day, I'd end up feeling extremely exhausted at the end of the day because my brain is all worked up. 

All in all, it was not only a test of my character but also of my patience and by how much I want to stay close and true to my roots. It got me to realize how much I don't know about my country and even myself, more so with B. Despite me sometimes losing my temper, I get to know B in another level and I'm glad that this experience only brought us closer. I can only look forward to the next time and wouldn't mind going through the whole thing all over again… level up! Now, we know better.