My yoga experience

Movement is medicine. Being physically active is part of an integral healthy lifestyle. It is especially daunting to take on a physical exercise when you’re not inclined to any sports.

Sports is usually the first recourse to physical movement. Growing up, I had hours playing outside but my mother would limit my movement: I can’t get past the two humps along the street, I can’t run fast, I can’t go outside without wearing special footwear… the list goes on and on. When I’d go home all sweaty, covered with bruises and wounds from stumbling and scratching my knee, I got a mouthful from my mother. I was rewarded with soothing words of validation when I stayed put in front of the TV or the computer. When she’s out to work, my sitter would allow me to play jump ropes in the safety of our garage. Even if I had some hours to move around and about, albeit limited, I did not grow up with an affinity to sports because I often got punished from it.

I realize the importance of body movement from a young age and I felt frustrated not being encouraged to do so, to the extent of even being punished, for using my body to move around in space. I did play some outdoor street badminton. In school, we had an hour of physical education class. Beyond that, the activities I was encouraged to do entailed staying put.

When I recognized that I had depression during my studies abroad, I took it upon myself to push myself to do yoga. That was not the first attempt, though. I’ve had countless efforts prior my episodes since the idea of yoga (or stretching) did not mean having to be displaced and it seemed easy. Of course, I learned, it wasn’t. But it is possible.

Running makes me feel nauseous. My lungs feel weak after only advancing a few meters (I blame second-hand smoking from my father). Walking is tolerable though. I also enjoyed lifting exercises better (push ups, etc) when I used to have a trainer at a gym with an instructor. That did not work so well, however. I hated the gym and I hated having that instructor. So I resorted back to yoga. I figured I can do yoga at home, peacefully with a Youtube instructor to follow instead. First, I discovered Yoga with Adrienne but I had to find another because she talks way to much for my liking. I felt rushed and I didn’t feel she was sincere with her teaching. She’s not all too bad, maybe not just for me. I’d say she’ll work better with more experienced “yogi’s”. Then I found Sarah Beth Yoga. Her instructive videos work better for me. Her voice is soothing and her instructions are unapologetic and non-judgemental. She’s encouraging. I feel like I can grow with her guidance and instructions.

Being a perfectionist that I was (and still am), I often feel frustrated not being able to do those seemingly easy yet obviously impossible twists. So instead, I read about it. A LOT.

Reading about it does not at all help with my flexibility and reach but it did help me convince my mind, therefore my body, that with constant practice, I will get my body to do what it wants. I had to trust I could. When I did, my body simply followed.

I kept a tracking journal of my yoga practice for a month. And then two, and then three. I was so proud to consistently practice (beginner’s) yoga and I noticed how difficult stunts became doable. They remain challenging but I am able to power through the strains. There were moments when I couldn’t get myself to practice on the mat. Instead, I practiced meditation. At one point, I was able to liberate my spirit so much that I was able to roam around a world of in-between. Some label it as astral projection. If it were, it was the most liberating experience where yoga practice took me.

There are countless benefits I got from yoga/meditation. How I wish I can find the right and exact words to describe them one by one. But in one word, I can sum it up to clarity.

I’m thankful I found yoga as my physical (mental, emotional, and spiritual) practice. It may not be much but I have never felt more in sync with my body. I may even have forgiven my mother and myself for those constraints imposed on me when I was younger. Without which, it may never have led me to discover the powers of yoga.