Racing thoughts on second language and the migrant experience

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re also navigating the complex and often thrilling world of living abroad, speaking a second language, and finding your place in a new culture. Trust me, I’m right there with you. I’ve had thoughts, plural, racing through my mind and I decided to try to write them down to quiet my brain but also maybe seek a conversation with you, dear reader.

So, I’ve been hooked on "Bridgerton" lately (see what I did there, as the kids these days say - if you know, you know). It’s fascinating how, even though it’s set in the 1800s, I realized that the polite expressions in English and its French translations are still used in everyday French conversations like ‘très bien” when in English we say “very well” or “s’il vous plaît” for “if it pleases you”. It got me thinking about how certain elements of language stay the same, especially those everyday polite phrases we use without a second thought.

This may be stretching it a bit too far, but also got me reflecting on my own experience. I grew up in the Philippines, speaking a mix of Filipino and English, often blended into Taglish. It’s the language of my heart, where I feel most like myself. But here in France, even though I’m fluent in French, I sometimes feel like I can’t fully express my true personality. In "How You Say It" by Katherine D. Kinzler, I read that you may never be quite as funny as yourself in your second language. That resonated with me. It’s like people here only see the version of me that exists in French, not the full, nuanced me from back home (nuanced being the operative word).

Recently, a friend unexpectedly remarked, 'I can just imagine how funny you must be in Filipino. If you had grown up in Brazil, I bet you'd be witty in Portuguese too.' While intended as a compliment, the comment underscored the idea of 'nativeness' Kinzler discusses in her book—how our native language and culture shape our true selves. How our childhood memories have a lasting impact because they felt '‘raw, intense” and ‘‘real” (Chapter 2):

Childhood memories are more accessible in one’s first language—for many people, there seems to be something special about the emotions associated with life’s earliest years. They are more raw, more intense, more real.

This initially frustrated me, but it also made me proud of my ability to adapt to different cultural environments even at this stage in life.

In the book, Kinzler said that there’s a significant difference in how adolescents and adults assimilate into new environments. It got me thinking about - should I dare say - my “multiple lives”.

Moving to France has been an adventure in more ways than one. I work in a pretty elite environment now, which is a world apart from my more grounded, community-focused upbringing. I can navigate this elite world (it pays well for little effort - ugh, I’ve sold my soul to capitalism and adulthood or should I say - reality), but sometimes it feels so disconnected from actual reality. Instead of contributing to the greater good, I often feel like I’m just serving the privileged few.

This all came into sharper focus after watching a video from "L'Histoire nous dira" on YouTube, where the host explained how politeness and social norms are tied to social class. It made me realize that the elite environment I work in is shaped by these same dynamics, often feeling removed from the everyday experiences of most people.

Living here has been a continuous work as I try to keep my true essence and explore and welcome a new version of myself. I try to find common ground with my colleagues, even though our backgrounds are so different. It’s a constant juggling act to stay true to my values while fitting into this new professional world.

This said I have started to give up on trying too hard to “belong”. I realized this takes time and effort. It will come, or not at all. Anyway, I try not to stress too much about it anymore compared from before.

Outside of work, I try find purpose and connection through community activities and causes I care about. This keeps me grounded and helps balance out the disconnect I sometimes feel in my work environment.

These passing thoughts on these experiences have taught me a lot about identity and belonging. Embracing my multilingual and multicultural background is a strength, helping me navigate these challenges with resilience and authenticity. By finding ways to express my true self and make meaningful contributions, I’m continuing to grow and adapt to this never-ending tale. I mean hey, that’s life huh? Whether or not we’re migrants or not, everybody is just trying to make it through life.

If you’re navigating similar waters – moving to a new country, speaking a second language, working in a different cultural environment – know that you’re not alone. It’s a complex but enriching journey, full of opportunities for self-discovery and growth. Cliché as it may sound, we never stop learning and growing.

So that’s it for me, for now, at this point in time, dear reader. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. How do you navigate these challenges?

Final thoughts

Language and culture are always evolving. This is how some languages are considered ‘dead’ because they stopped evolving. So this is good news, right? Here’s to embracing every step of the journey, no matter where it takes us!