It has been a year! Believe me when I say that I have thought countless of times of publishing a new entry. Ideas came and gone. And that's where they are now - long gone.
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One day I’ve had it and without any hesitations, I booked myself an AirBnB.
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Could you miss someone you’ve never met? Could you long for someone you’ve never experienced in real life? Is it possible to feel intense emotions over someone you only get to meet virtually? Or is it the idea of this someone that makes you long for them?
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How is it welcoming and showing a first-timer-foreign-non-English/Filipino-speaker partner in the Philippines? Let's just say that it wasn't a stroll in the park.
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Since childhood, I’ve never felt comfortable with what I am and what I have become. I’ve always thought I was not good enough; that what I have now I got not because I am good at what I do or because I deserve it but because somehow, I made and tried to make it work – even if it wasn’t meant for me.
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It's good to always have other options. It's reassuring to know that the world does not stop on what you can see, feel, or experience. Ironically, the infinity of choices, of worlds, of possibilities could also be comforting.
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Together with friends from the Erasmus Alumni Association Philippines, I went to visit Las Casas Filipinas de Acuzar in Bataan on Chinese New Year 2018.
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In an ideal world…
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No, I wouldn’t be spending winter in Lithuania as I planned and as I thought and saw myself doing. No, I wouldn't be learning Lithuanian and discovering its culture, its people, its food, its places... No, the time is not now...
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I don’t regret the effort and time I spent trying to make it work. I would have regretted if I didn’t at least try to make it work. I am, however, regretting something that is yet to happen, or rather, something that is not going to happen.
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I defended my master’s thesis in plain house clothes, my friends and family around me and late night food waiting for me.
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Much is still left to discover, learn, know and resolve. For now, I continue to live as I am expected to, not as I may want it to.
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