How is it welcoming and showing a first-timer-foreign-non-English/Filipino-speaker partner in the Philippines? Let's just say that it wasn't a stroll in the park.
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Since childhood, I’ve never felt comfortable with what I am and what I have become. I’ve always thought I was not good enough; that what I have now I got not because I am good at what I do or because I deserve it but because somehow, I made and tried to make it work – even if it wasn’t meant for me.
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It's good to always have other options. It's reassuring to know that the world does not stop on what you can see, feel, or experience. Ironically, the infinity of choices, of worlds, of possibilities could also be comforting.
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Together with friends from the Erasmus Alumni Association Philippines, I went to visit Las Casas Filipinas de Acuzar in Bataan on Chinese New Year 2018.
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In an ideal world…
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No, I wouldn’t be spending winter in Lithuania as I planned and as I thought and saw myself doing. No, I wouldn't be learning Lithuanian and discovering its culture, its people, its food, its places... No, the time is not now...
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I don’t regret the effort and time I spent trying to make it work. I would have regretted if I didn’t at least try to make it work. I am, however, regretting something that is yet to happen, or rather, something that is not going to happen.
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I defended my master’s thesis in plain house clothes, my friends and family around me and late night food waiting for me.
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Much is still left to discover, learn, know and resolve. For now, I continue to live as I am expected to, not as I may want it to.
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Today’s my last day of internship. Since my last update, evidently, a lot of things has happened. Put in a large dose of self-doubt, too. There were better days, though. How do I get all these feelings and emotions I’ve got all over the place in one writing? I guess I can’t. Here’s a ridiculous attempt.
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My crazy subconscious trying to nudge me awake.
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A photo of you triggered thoughts, memories and feelings.
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