Morning pastry run to the city center and moving dorms in the afternoon.
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Yesterday, Lea and I drove all the way up to Valensole in search of the lavender fields. The day before that, we had a dip in the sea and the day before that, we went to Monaco and impulsively decided to go to Ventimiglia, Italy where we almost missed our train. Classic Italian story. Today, I managed to make it to the laundry shop (Ma Laverie Shop) in Borriglione, just down the street at 7 AM - opening time.
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No, I wouldn’t be spending winter in Lithuania as I planned and as I thought and saw myself doing. No, I wouldn't be learning Lithuanian and discovering its culture, its people, its food, its places... No, the time is not now...
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I don’t regret the effort and time I spent trying to make it work. I would have regretted if I didn’t at least try to make it work. I am, however, regretting something that is yet to happen, or rather, something that is not going to happen.
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I defended my master’s thesis in plain house clothes, my friends and family around me and late night food waiting for me.
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Today’s my last day of internship. Since my last update, evidently, a lot of things has happened. Put in a large dose of self-doubt, too. There were better days, though. How do I get all these feelings and emotions I’ve got all over the place in one writing? I guess I can’t. Here’s a ridiculous attempt.
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This month was a rough one. I often go about how bumpy the road is but I think this one day in April was the toughest of the tough. It felt like all my issues, big and small, in my entire life rolled into one ticking bomb that suddenly exploded one Tuesday morning.
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What if this is all I want? What if I'm no longer searching for more?
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Half way through March, what has been going on with life lately ? I have my fair share of ups and downs for the past month, it's crazy. I think I'm on the brink of going insane. To prevent any of that, I try to go back to what I find most relaxing and fulfilling : journaling and blogging.
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What has changed over the past few months since I temporarily moved out and started living on my own abroad?
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I used to love writing, documenting my everyday without it feeling like a task. I guess this [not writing everything down] is for the best – so that I will focus more in the present without having to worry or think about how I am going to describe my entire day.
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These past few days, aside from gray skies and occasional sunny days, life has been tough. I have been : tired, sad, frustrated, mad... everything else except happy, satisfied, content. This not being for all aspects of life but to one huge aspect defining life right now - my studies.
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